Just changed the blog skin on my other blog. Wanted to change the one here as well but since i had to pay for it, guess i shall not bother =P Tag somethin there aight ppl? I'll still posting here. Just that i'll post on either blogs depending on my mood.

www.drugbeat.blogspot.com

Im finally 20 (i know i feel and look older.. so shut up)! Doesnt seem to be any different though. K maybe im thinkin too much like as though my whole life would flip 180 right after midnight or somethin.. But i kinda wish it did.. Bleah waever. Anyhoo, to the peeps who came that night, Thank you so much for coming! I know some of you were actually tired after classes and such.. and im really thankful you all showed up. As for the ppl who didnt show up, well all i can say is that i cant please everyone. At least some bothered to inform me of their absense. =] Ended up pissed drunk that night and had left for home by 2+ coming 3.. Thank god for Gerald who drove me back though i ALMOST puked again in his car.. heh.

Goin back there again this wed (tomm) to finish the last bottle that was left (surprisingly) untouched. Dun think i wanna go there much anymore after that.. even if i do club, hell.. might just look for other places to go. o bar sounds like a good place to frequent recently.

Im dissapointed, angry and sad. Never thought i'd be like this again after my first relationship. Thought i would've learnt from my mistakes.. guess not. Its all me... Everything is my fault. I think too much for my own good. The unspoken thoughts.. the suspicion.. always seem to be right in the end. Yet all it takes is a phonecall from her and i mellow down.. I hate myself. Why is it i cant bring myself to trust her? Maybe its because i know too much. Im no actor either.. all i can do is pretend not to know certain stuff. Damn myself! As far as im concerned, my friendship with someone is over. A very simple message to this guy if you can ever guess its directed to you. FUCK YOU. You have no respect for the ppl around you other than your DICK.

My coming birthday is getting more unwanting. Have a good mind to cancel the whole thing off and jus celebrate it with the few ppl that really matters. Who matters? Ppl who can be trusted. Sadly, its only a small handful of them who do. But i doubt i'll do anything. For the sake of the celebration and ppl who have been informed so far, i guess i'll leave it be.

J O U R N E Y  -  Corrine May

It's a long, long journey
Till I know where I'm supposed to be
It's a long, long journey
and I don't know if I can believe
When shadows fall and block my eyes
I am lost and know that I must hide
It's a long, long journey
Till I find my way home to you

Many days I've spent
Drifting on through empty shores
Wondering what's my purpose
Wondering how to make me strong
I know I will falter I know I will cry
I know you'll be standing by my side
It's a long, long journey
And I need to be close to you

Sometimes it seems no one understands
I don't even know why
I do the things I do
When pride builds me up till I can't see my soul

Will you break down these walls and pull me through?

'Cause it's a long, long journey
Till I feel that I am worth the price
You paid for me on calvary
Beneath those stormy skies
When Satan mocks and friends turn to foes
It feels like everything is out to make me lose control
It's a long, long journey
Till I find my way home to you

Thanks to my friend who introduced this song to me. Feel so deeply drawn to this song. Not sure why.. Cheers ppl. Listen to this song if you have yet to.